Ugh. Have you ever had one of those time periods in which anything that might require effort is just a big No-no? When your body is heavy and stiff, you are dead-dog tired no matter how much sleep you get, and you can actually FEEL your brain inside your skull, and not in a good way? Maybe this feeling lasts a day, a week, a month or longer, but the whole time you want to tell people "sorry, I'm just not myself, I'm really not this lame/weird/comatose most of the time," because you've seen them looking at you like you've just flicked a booger on the wall. You know that feeling?
Ok, I've been in this state of existence for a few months now. This can't be normal. And, of course, the catastrophist side of me immediately goes for "You've got a brain tumor!" or "I need a COMPLETE life overhaul, NOW! Call the therapist! Buy all new clothes, furniture and move to a new country!" I can't write, I can't read, I can't play with my daughter or have a nice normal conversation with my friends. I scare new friends away, I'm pretty sure.
The stupid part is: I'm HAPPY. There's nothing in the world right now for me to be unhappy about. Handsome husband loves me. Daughter, while going through some admittedly annoying boundary-testing phase, is healthy, funny and smart and loves me and school. THIS IS NOT ME! I'm funny! I'm smart! I write really really well and have the most awesome novel in my head!
So, WTF?
Monday, November 26, 2007
The never-ending case of the Blahs...
Posted by Nessa at 3:45 PM
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3 comments:
I think a time comes when you realize the life ahead of you is somewhat written. We spend 16+ years thinking 'when I finish school I can do/be whatever I want'.
Even if we end up doing/being exactly what we wanted, the realization that changing our minds isn't an option, or at least, isn't an option that effects only us, we tend to despair. Not because we're unhappy, but because the mystery of the future isn't there anymore.
It's almost like the seven month retirement depression that studies show men suffer. At seven months after retirement, men dip into a depression. They spend 30 years wishing they were retired, then find out the wishing they were retired is the thing that made them 'happy'.
You are what you wanted to be. Now you just need to figure out what you want next.
I feel ya. I have felt that way for the past couple weeks. There are moments when I feel like doing nothing but crying like a big baby. For me it is feeling like i Have lost a small part of the person I am. My whole world is making sure the kids are ok feed, diapered, changed, getting enough postive interaction and keeping up the house. I love being a stay at home mom just sometimes it feels like a square bubble instead of a round one!! I hope it gets better. When all else fails have a glass or five of wine and watch sex in the city!
Hey Barb, you spamming piece of shit. Stay the hell off my page, would ya? I consider you and yours just about the least endearing thing on the interent. Fuck off. Do I need to say anything else?
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