BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND TWITTER BACKGROUNDS

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Sorry. Sorry. Oh, crap, I'm sorry.

I'll come right out and say it: I'm a flake. A huge, monstrous, ginormous fucking flake. Chances are if you ask me to do something, need me to call you, expect me to help you with something, 74% of the time you'll be shit out of luck. No matter what I've said or how bright-eyed-bushy-tailed I was when I told you I would do/call/be there.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not bragging. I'm not proud of it. Hell, I'm not even conscious of it most of the time. I agree to do something, be somewhere, maybe even write it down. Maybe you call me or text me right before to remind me of my obligation. And I have every honest intention of following through. And then I just...don't.

Maybe this wouldn't be such a bad personality flaw, really, if I just didn't offer to do stuff in the first place. Or if I didn't care what people think of me. Or if my feeble excuses and apologies really made it all better. (Why do we tell kindergarteners that "Sorry" fixes things? It doesn't. Really. Right?) But the problem is twofold:

1) I volunteer for way too many things, whether it's being on the PTA board or offering to edit someone's manuscript or help my husband fundraise so he looks good at work. I just can't say no. It started in college, really...but that's another story.

2) I'm horribly disorganized and forgetful, and I procrastinate like I invented the concept. I also don't make much of an effort to force myself to do things that make me uncomfortable, like ask people for donations to charities.

So I guess my problem is partially unconscious and partially bad behavior. Does that make it a personality disorder?

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