Putting the Mental in Self Improvement (al) Day 2

Ok, I'm ok. I don't need a smoke right now. Do I WANT a smoke right now? Yes, yes, very much please, can I rip this stupid fucking patch off my ass and just have a cigarette?!

Wheeeeewwwww....deep brefs....deep brefs...going to go put on a new patch....

I've been trying, when these little cravings knock me upside the head, to visualize and remember why I want/need to quit smoking: so I can breathe, so I can smell nice, so I can quit traumatizing my young daughter who fully expects me to die any day now, to maybe halt the crevasse of wrinkles on my forehead and lips, so I can go to the gym and try to recapture my smokin' hawt (ok, sort-of hawt) bod. Good reasons. Healthy reasons. Being a smoker today is like being a leper a thousand years ago. People look on you, huddled outside pathetically, with a mixture of pity and disgust. They wonder how, with all of the health warnings and the proof that it will kill you and the smell how can a person be stupid enough to smoke?

I'll tell you why.

It's the sweet elixir of brain-calming balm in a convenient wrapper. It's a small rebellion for an invisible boring housewife. It's a ten-minute escape from every hour.

I heart smoking. I will miss it.