I don't swim in your toilet, please don't poop in my pool.

So, I'm sort-of an avid swimmer, in that I love to swim. I was never on the team in high school, but learned to do laps in college and it's my primary form of exercise. There's nothing, for me, as freeing and calming and energizing as jumping into the pool, doing that OOH!ACK!OHFUCKIT'SCOLD dance, stretching out, putting on my dorky cap and goggles and going back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and breathe and stroke and kick and breathe and....you get it. It tends to re-set this little ADD-constant-loop-of-thoughts brain.

My daughter has also gained an appreciation of the liquid world, after a few years of step-clinging. She's a fish now, and I love it. We have a blast diving for diving rings, doing underwater flips, and of course, cannonballs off the side. And getting out every hour to go potty, whether we need to or not. And we've talked about how important it is to shower before we get into the pool, to wash off all the germs so we don't share them with the other swimmers.

Imagine my horror when I realized that not everyone does this important little scrub. In fact, almost no one does.

Once in the middle of a workout in the gym's pool (which is 25 feet long and 3 lanes wide, not large) I was the recipient of, I'm sure, some primo fecal-bacteria when a guy came bopping right off the workout floor, dripping in sweat including a rather large sweat streak right down the crack of his ass, took off his shoes and dripping sweaty socks and jumped right in. Right the fuck in. And exclaimed how fucking refreshing that was.
"Dude," says I, still wearing the so-cool cap and goggles, "you know you just flooded this pool with bacteria and sweat."
"So, it's a big pool."
You got me there, Einstein.
"Oh, right, my bad. Bacteria don't multiply. It being a closed system, I'm sure this water will all get filtered in the next month or so. I guess I don't mind swimming through your butt-sweat and athlete's foot funk. Silly me. Thank you, Dumbass, I'll be going now." And I hoisted myself out and went to the manager, who shrugged.

Last summer, all of the pools in Salt Lake Metro area were closed due to an outbreak of cryptosporidium . All of the pools. People got really sick, some almost died, we couldn't go swimming from the middle of July til almost September.

Why?

Let me give you the simple answer: Poop.

~Everybody poops. (Even you.)

~There are little tiny microorganisms living in poop. (Even yours)

~Wiping doesn't always get all the germs off the bum. (Even yours)

~Little kids often don't wipe very well. (Even yours)

~Poop and poop germs aren't always killed by chlorine. (Even in your pool)

~Swimming pools are closed systems, meaning the germs stay in it until they multiply or hit the chlorine filter. They're not going anywhere, even in a "big" pool. (Even the big big one you go to.)

~Water gets into your eyes, nose and mouth when swimming. (Even yours.)

~Poop germs will make you throw up and poop liquid until you want to die. Or do die. (Even you)

So, boys and girls to sum up: Take a cleansing shower right before you get in the pool. Shower your kids. With soap. Every time.

I know, I know: it's uncool, it's cold, it wastes precious time, the kids whine about it, it renders that first jump into the pool less refreshing, and surely YOU don't have any poop clinging to your bum.

Except you do. Poop is everywhere. Please don't bring it into my pool anymore.

Thank you.

This public service announcement has been brought to you by:

Poop.
Let's not share.