What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas

- Wednesday


What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas...
Current mood: animated
Category: Travel and Places




...until some attention-whore blogger writes about it. My husband and I have been together for 12 years, married for 10. And what better way to celebrate the bond of true, committed soul-mate sacred love than to spend five glorious days in:




Sin City!

Ah, Las Vegas....that oasis in the vast desert, the strip of flashy lights and sound of money clinking happiness into someone's life, the storied town of the mafia, high-rollers, legal prostitution, glamour and drugs.

Except...now there's a castle:



and the Statue of Liberty against the Manhattan skyline:





The Forum of Ancient Rome:



across the street from the Eiffel Tower and Arc de Triomphe:






And the Mediterranean Sea


Which all led me to ask:

WTF?

What happened to the old-school Vegas glamour? Where have the good days of tackiness beyond measure and slightly slimey shenanegans gone?
Sure, sure, I've always wanted to travel the world, see the sights of old Europe. Now I think I have. But it all feels so....plastic. There's just something vaguely wrong with seeing the Statue of David in the middle of a mall. And the tributes to fallen firefighters displayed beneath a fiberglass Statue of Liberty poised at the corner of the strip of fallen dreams seemed a bit....disrespectful. Now there's talk that Disney is actually putting up a resort. Disney! The bastion of innocence and childhood joy, running a casino for parents to sit and get schnockered while the kids...what? Ride on a replica of the pretend Matterhorn? Meet the Princesses? Will the Princesses be wearing their regular costumes or will they be decked out in Vegas Showgirl glitz? I might have to go back just to see that.
The country of Dubai is in the process of building a mind-boggling ginormous complex in the center of the strip, the construction of which is on a scale of disbelief.

But, to my relief, we did find some of the comforting, familiar aspects of Vegas still exist.

Like that good old original "Welcome to Downtown Las Vegas" sign, now hardly noticeable on an island in the middle of a 4-lane split in the strip.

And, we found Fremont Street, where the lights still flash and the bells still ring.



btw, did you know that you can now buy a plastic debit card, attach it to your shirt with a spiral cord and play slots with that, instead of the good sound of coins being plunked into oblivion? No sound of crashing payoffs, just electronic beeps when one hits the jackpot. Weird.

We also found a few freaks. Like the religious fanatic with his signs and placards, standing in the middle of Fremont Street, proudly proclaiming the evils of gambling, sex and especially *whispers* homosexuality. I'm sure he did God proud. Ass. Hole.



And the homeless, while surprisingly not a strong visual presence, still find refuge in Vegas:



And the girlie vans endlessly circling the strip:




I just felt bad for the girls. It must get awful hot and boring riding around in the back of that little van.

There was also some fountain fun:



Pointing at a pee-pee:



(He's so mature...)


...and there was some gambling. Some. I love me some blackjack; it's the highlight of my year to head to Lake Tahoe with my girls and sit at a five dollar table and drink for free and have people bet on my hand. Love it. I've always been an incredibly good blackjack player, and have never lost. I average about $250 winnings every time.

Not this time. I lost. I LOST! I lost $70 in about ten minutes, and that freaked me out so badly I couldn't bring myself to sit at another table the whole week. Well, it wasn't a complete loss; I did get a good dirty martini out of it for free. Yep! A free martini that only cost me seventy bucks. I'm praying that my mojo comes back in time for this year's Tahoe adventure, otherwise I'm going to need therapy.
The husband did enjoy some video poker and a big stinky cigar though:




But the piece de resistance was the wedding.

Instead of blowing a wad of cash on seeing the Blue Man Group, we decided to make a real memory that would last and give us a chuckle. So we found the Elvis impersonator that does wedding ceremonies. We figured it would be funny, tacky and probably really trashy. We were right on the first two. But the chapel was actually very nice, the people were all very helpful, respectful and sweet, and our Elvis (other than being Sicilian and a brunette and probably gay) was just the best ever.


(Our names are up in lights behind us, but the angle is wrong to see it.)

We were by ourselves, the only witnesses were a reporter and photographer from England's The Sun newspaper, which simply set me over the edge. I was chuffed! They interviewed us and everything, and claimed that the story would run the next week and they would email me a copy. No sign of it yet, which bums me out. It would be the be-all end-all to be featured in an English paper for getting married in the tackiest, trashiest American way possible.


So, to wrap it up, finally: While not the Caribbean cruise I'd hoped for, spending five days touring "the world" on The Strip with the man I love was a perfect way to commemorate our marriage.

Thank yew. Thank yew very much. Uh huh